More Alike Than We Knew
by Snagged
Summary: Dib reveals his biggest secret to Gaz and the results are grim. ZaGr one sided ZaDr. Contains strong language. One Shot


The morning was gray.

It was about to rain again and I was glad. When I opened the window I could hear thundering rolling in the distance but not a single flash of lightening. The air was warm and moist and so calming. I could smell the imminent rain.

When I entered the kitchen, Dib was already there hunched over a bowl of Espest O's. He didn't look up when I cam in but I didn't think anything of it. I headed for the fridge and retrieved the milk and the box of Count CocoFang cereal from atop the fridge and made myself breakfast. Even as I sat and ate, Dib was still silent. He didn't look up at me once. Instead he stared down into the remaining floating bits of cereal as though they were his new hobby.

I didn't normally initiate conversation with him, but the silence was, strangely, unnerving.

"What are you so quiet about?" I asked with a quick glance across the table at him. He didn't answer so I shrugged and ate. When I'd finished, he was still hunched over his bowl, playing with his soggy cereal. I oppressed the urge to mutter 'freak' beneath my breath as I walked to the doorway and into the living room for the mornings episode of Dramatica News.

"What do you think you're doing?" He suddenly said.

I stopped and turned. He was still staring into his bowl. "Watching T.V. What's it to you?"

Dib finally looked up at me and I saw it. His eye was puffy and bruised and had crust in its corner. He must have gotten beat up again.

"No. That's now what I mean." So I turned and raised my brows impatiently. Dib put his spoon up to his lip and spoke. "I..I know you've been talking to him."

I crossed my arms. "Oh really? How is that?"

"Because," he began then nibbled on the end of his spoon nervously as he continued. "I..I uh.." he was quiet for a little while. I was really beginning to lose my patients. I had a vague idea of what he did but I wanted to hear it from him. "I went through your computers memory."

I approached the table, ready to sock him in his other eye. "Why the hell were you going through my stuff?" I shouted loudly.

Dib flinched and looked off to the side. The spoon hovered a hairs width from his lips. "Because..I know about you two.." he said quietly.

"So that means you can go through my shit? What the hell, Dib? I should fuck up your other eye for doing this!"

When those words fell onto the table between us, Dib looked up at me. For a moment I faltered. His eyes were glassy and they looked bright but deep and empty. His face was red. Why, I don't know.

I looked off to the side and huffed loudly. "You think I'm going to team up with him or something? Give away stuff about you?"

Dib looked as though he were about to nod, but he stopped and looked into his lap. His played with his spoon down there. I could tell that wasn't it. Something was really bothering him.

I took a seat across from him and was silent. I only watched him play with his spoon below the table where I couldn't see. "Dib?" His motion stopped for a brief moment, but continued. "Then why do you look suicidal?"

Dib stopped then shrugged. It irritated me. He was 19 and still acted like he was 12. I figured it was because he had brain swelling which fucked him up..thus why people made fun of his big head, although it was never actually big..just a bit prominent. "Dib. Tell me." I said, a bit more stern.

He sighed and opened his mouth but nothing came out. After a few long moments he shook his head slowly. "Because.." he said, sorrow in his tone which suggested he was at the verge of tears. "I..I like him.."

I screwed my brows, confused. "You like him? Like..you don't hate him anymore?" I paused. This didn't make sense. "Okay..then..what's the problem?"

"No, Gaz." he said. now frustrated. He looked right at me, tears rolled down his face. "I love him!"

I stared. I didn't mean to, but I did. I could not help it. "You..love him? But.." I couldn't find the words to explain my confusion.

"I know.." he said, quiet again. "But..after all of that..I can't live without him. I think about him a lot..and..I started to be..attracted to him.."

Him being gay was not what confused me. Him being in love with Zim was. I knew he was gay since middle school. I found out about his crush on Mr. Dwicky who'd contacted Dib from space. They were sort of..long..super..duper long, distance dating..but Dwicky, being a man, wanted somebody neared. In other words..he wanted to be able to fuck. Go figure. Dib was devastated. Maybe he still is and this isn't helping.

"Oh.." It was so awkward. Zim and I..you could say we've been seeing each other in secret for about two months now. We haven't done anything major..just dates and what not. I wonder if Dib knew we weren't fucking. "Well..you still have a chance.." I said with a shrug. H e did actually. Whether or not Zim and I would last, I didn't know. We weren't exactly inseparable. Zim had even told me that he swung both ways. Some sort of adaptation his species had. Yeah..he's a hermaphrodite.

Dib shook his head. "No I don't. He couldn't love me. We've fought for so long." he wiped his nose on his arm. The little hairs stuck together.

"Well you have a crush on him..so..who knows.." I wasn't sure why I was trying to be supportive of him. It wasn't what I usually did.

Dib was silent. After a long while he picked up his bowl, put it in the sink and went upstairs. I didn't object. He needed time alone. I'd yell at him later for being intrusive, but for now Dib needed time sort himself out.

With a sigh I headed into the living room and turned on the T.V., but I couldn't focus. Rain began to spatter on the window slowly at first, but it picked up. Soon it was a full fledged shower. The thunder rumbled loudly. It was getting closer, but I don't mind. I love it.

I began to get this weird feeling as I sat there and watched the rain. I was uncomfortable. I wasn't able to figure it out until I remembered Dib. I was suddenly compelled to go see him.

I left the T.V. on for background noise and slowly made my way up the stairs. I was anxious, but for some reason I didn't want it to show. When I reached the landing, the hall was dark. All the doors were shut all of the way. I stood on the landing and just stared into the dark hall. I suddenly felt sleepy and couldn't focus, but I managed to drudge down to Dibs room. Without knocking, I opened his door but there was no protest from him. He wasn't at his computer or in bed. I began to worry. I knew he was upstairs.

The bathroom!

I exited his room and quickly shuffled down into the bathroom. The door was shut. When I tried to open it, I found it to be locked.

"Dib?" I called loudly. He didn't answer so I began to pound on the door furiously. "DIB! OPEN UP!" Now I really began to panic. "DIIIB!" I began to pound so hard that the wood bent beneath my unrelenting fists. Finally I began to ram my shoulder into the door and it cracked around the knob. I jerked the splintery heart from the door and swung the door open. At first nothing was clear. I couldn't process anything I was seeing but then it all came to.

In the tub was Dib, eyes closes and still dressed. I knelt beside the tub so quickly that I banged my knees hard but I barely felt the pain that would have usually made me cuss and beat something up.

"Dib? DIB!" Fat tears rolled down my face but I paid no attention to them. "Dib please!" I took his face into my hands and waited for any sign of life but he was perfectly still. I began to look for signs of what he did and ruled out poisoning since he wasn't frothing at the mouth. At first I'd missed it because of the color of his shirt, but when I went to feel his heard beat my hand met the soaked fabric of his shirt. Blood. A lot of it.

"oh godohgodohgodohgod!" I cried as I jerked his shirt up. There, around his sternum, were multiple, jagged holes in his chest. Some were just scrapes where the sharp object had met his ribs but most went through. "Dib! Please no!" I began to bawl. I searched for the weapon and found the broken toilet paper holder which had snapped off when I kicked it a month before. Now I was really pissed off. I felt responsible for this more than I already had.

"Dib! Dib!" I repeated his name over and over and leaned into the tub to press my face into my big brothers neck and cry. I cradled his heavy head and sobbed. He was already dead, so I wasn't in a hurry to call the ambulance. For now..I wanted to just hold my brother and cry.

;:;:;:;:;:;:

When I woke up, I was in the tub beside Dib. I jumped and nearly pissed myself, then I remembered what happened. Tears welled up in my eyes again. I blinked them away and looked around. It sounded as though the rain had stopped. I looked down at my dead brother, now cold and stiff, and climbed out of the tub to find the phone. I didn't want to leave him alone, but he wasn't going anywhere.

When I returned, I sat on the table and called the ambulance. During the call I broke out in another fit of sobs but they didn't seem be bothered by this. They told me to stay where I was and that they'd be there shortly.

When they hung up, I let the phone roll from my hand and hit the hard tile which resulting in the phones battery cover flying off. I leaned over the tub again and gathered Dib into my arms and buried my face beneath his chin and continued to cried. When the paramedics arrived, they had to pry me from him. Just before they could I managed a quick peck to his cheek and was then led away to the next room to cry on some strangers shoulder.

:;:;:;:;:;:;:;

I was the only one who showed up to his funeral.

The pastor read from the book in rain as though it were shining out.

Dad was too busy to attend. Zim..he couldn't face what had happened so for the past week and a half hid away in his base. Everybody else hated him.

Before they lowered him into the ground, I knelt before his casket and said to him, "I can't apologize for how I've been to you. An apology is too meaningless for something like this. I promise to visit you every day on this date a..I'll bring you something every time." I stood up and pulled out a package from my bag and placed it within the wreath. It was a canister of Haunted Gummies.

After I stepped back, they lowered him into the ground and began to bury him. I cried again, silently this time.

When I made my way back to the car, the rain stopped. Before I got in I looked back. The pastor was gone already. "I love you Dib.." I said quietly.

I moved to enter the car and just then a warm gust of air blew the hair from my face and something wet met my check.

Some people like to say it was just a drop of rain..but I know better.


End file.
